“What is a SHAMPOO BAR, anyway?”
Powerful New Natural Formula Doesn’t Give you a Six Pack, Grow Hair (we don’t think), or Make You Better in the Sack…
“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t tried it for myself, but this powerful new formula reallydoes nothing to increase my manliness. But itDOESclean my hair and smells good. My wife says it’s kinda strong for her. But that’s ok… Then she doesn’t use it,” says one customer…
I am friends with Parker, who works at the Grown Ass Man Co. When Parker asked me to try the SHAMPOO BAR, I was completely skeptical. After all, I’m 45 years old and I have been using ‘regular’ shampoo since I was a child.
I’ve tried everything from Pert to my gal’s expensive, ‘color enhancing’ shampoo. (I’m not proud of it, but what happens in the shower, stays in the shower, am I right?)
“What is a SHAMPOO BAR, anyway?” I asked. “I’m too old for fads.”
He said, “It’s shampoo in a bar. You can use it on your body too, some guys do that.”
“I don’t need a shampoo bar for that. I have black plastic squeeze-bottles that my wife buys at the department store. I don’t know what it is, but it smells ok. I feel clean.”
He said, “If you’re happy with that, keep on truckin.”
“Wait… Aren’t you supposed to try to talk me into buying soap? Or Shampoo Bars or whatever?”
“Nah. It’s not like that. We make soap for guys who deserve something nice. If that’s not you or you don’t see the value in nice things, no big deal…”
I raised an eyebrow.
I asked, “It’s just soap?”
He said, “Yes, it's a SHAMPOO BAR, but yeah, it's just soap.”
Parker said, “Yeah, super nice. All organic, natural ingredients, selected by our head Grown Ass Man, Tim.”
The head of your company, the Grown Ass Man company, is named Tim?
“Yup. He makes soap. Kind of like Tyler Durden, only not imaginary or violent.”
I asked, “Why is it called Grown Ass Man Company?”
“Have you worked hard your whole life?”
Yeah, pretty much… There was that summer in Tucson, but mostly…
“Have you earned what you have?”
I said, “Heck yes. I have the scars to prove it.”
This soap isn’t so you will smell nicer for your partner, although that’s a benefit.
This soap isn’t going to get you a Lambo.
This soap isn’t about getting a bigger house.
This soap is about sending a message to yourself...
I earned it.
I deserve to have my own soap in the shower.
I can buy my own soap.
I can use a SHAMPOO BAR, if I see the VALUE in it….
But look,” Parker said, “As a dude, you don't really need to gussy it up or make it anything fancy. It's just really nice soap. If you want to try really nice soap, handcrafted and organic, then buy a three pack. We have three scents.”
MINT CONDITION: Because kicking ass in your job means getting up way too early, Mint Condition starts with a bracing peppermint scent to get you moving. Olive oil to condition your hair without leaving it too heavy, and the Holy Man Hair Trinity of rosemary, peppermint, and eucalyptus oil to get improved scalp circulation and get blood flowing to your manly noggin.
CHILL OUT YOU’VE EARNED IT: Strong but soothing scents. Mowed the lawn? Dug some post holes? Chopped some kindling? Clean up with our Chill Out Shampoo Bar. Avocado oil to bring your hair back to life, and the soothing combination of lemongrass, tea tree, and patchouli to help you wind down.
LAST CALL: Get your second wind and hit the town Saturday night. Strong cedarwood and pine smells because manly men smell like trees. Jojoba oil to fix split ends, repair your hair and leave it resplendent. And the dynamic duo of jojoba and cassia oil to really moisturize your scalp and fight dandruff.
So how does it work?
“Most people start with a variety pack that has all three sents. Has all three scents, so you can pick the one you like,” Parker said. “We will pack it up and send it to you from Iowa or we ship from Amazon too.”
Then you wait on the bars.
You get busy and forget that you ordered bars.
Then they arrive and you seem smart, to yourself, and everyone around.
Next, you go take a shower and use the bar that fits your approach:
MINT CONDITION: This will get you going in the right direction in the Morning. Set your mission straight. Time to rise and shine. “Up and at ‘em, soldier!”
CHILL OUT: You just got done chopping a cord of wood. Time to relax.
LAST CALL: When you are headed to the bar and on the make - that’s when you want to smell your most manliest...
What Happened Next?
I used the shampoo bar as instructed, and within a few days I noticed my confidence was pretty much the same: HIGH.
I smelled better (maybe?)
Bonus Side Perk:
I am doing something I don’t normally do. I am using a SHAMPOO BAR, which I enjoy being able to talk about. Especially with people who don’t know about a SHAMPOO BAR for Grown Ass Men, from six dudes with beards in Iowa.
After the first week, the results were pretty much what they were the first time… (And who among us can say that?)
After a month, my life was pretty much the same. If I am honest.
But I had my own Soap.
Soap, for Grown Ass Men. It’s not trying to be anything else, which I can respect.
I hit up Parker recently and thanked him for recommending SHAMPOO BARS from Grown Ass Man Co.
He said, “Sometimes we run out. Make sure to grab enough to last.”
Done and Done.
Grown Ass Man Co. Customer